Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Ensuring My Memory

Today's statement is:
Pay attention to the things surrounding you!

Note to self:
Make sure the sink's drain is NOT plugged, so you don't flood the Art room again...ever!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Law of Attraction: What Negative Energy Attracts

It's been awhile since I've talked about these certain kind of things, hasn't it? Well, let's start another lesson. This one shall be the "Law of Attraction." It's quite simple to understand. The principle of Law of Attraction is that you attract into your life whatever you think about. A person's thoughts (conscious or unconscious), emotions, beliefs, and actions attract similar experiences. Therefore, negative feelings attract negative experiences and positive feelings attract positive experiences.
For example, you're studying for an exam which takes up 50% of your final grade and you think, "I'm never going to be able to remember this. It's just too hard. I'm going to fail, fail, fail! There's no way I'm going to be able to answer even one question right!" Well, that, of course, is a negative way of perceiving things, and what do those negatives emotions do? Attract negative results.
Here's another example: You're driving down the highway and suddenly a car cuts in front of you. You look in your rear view mirror and, of course, there's not one car behind you for miles. Well, you keep driving, fuming, fuming, and still fuming, thinking all the while, "Why do people cut in front of me? Can't they ever wait? What's wrong with them!?" Well, while you're focusing on the negative and thinking that, you're attracting negative energies. What the Universe (my version of a Higher Power) is hearing is "People cut in front of me... cut in front... cut in front... cut in front..." so it goes, "All right, if that's what you want, you got it!" Now, it isn't doing this to you on purpose, it's what it thinks you want.
Or how about when you're driving through a immense city, and there are stoplights on every block. You think, "Please don't turn red... don't turn red... don't turn red..." Well, of course, what is the Universe hearing? "Turn red, turn red, turn red!" So the light does. Sick of that happening to you? I have something new for you to try as an alternative. Instead of thinking, "Don't turn red," think, "Stay green... stay green... stay green!" over and over again. Trust me, nine times out of ten, it works. I've been there, done that, and I'm still doing it!
When you say (or think it) "stay green", what you're really doing is being positive, saying what you do want, instead of what you don't want. Try to stay away from using words such as, "No, stop, never, can't, won't, and don't." Basically any word that in some way means "no". By saying these things, you're resisting what you DO want. Keep that in mind.
The same thing goes with your emotions, not just your thoughts. You feel sad, depressed, or despair and what happens? Things that are depressing and sad surround you, forcing you deeper into that swirling vortex. Now, if you're happy, feeling as if nothing could go wrong--usually nothing will. If you surround yourself with good feelings, you'll find that good things will come to you openly. For example, you find $50 tucked away in an old purse, or something pops up, like a free ticket to a concert. Like I said earlier, "Negative feelings attract negative experiences and positive feelings attract positive experiences." They also attract negative and positive energies, and people--living and dead.
Now I've explained the basics of what I want to talk about. Yes, it's another one of my experiences. Last night, many things happened to me, and the one thing that tipped me over into a negative abyss, was my father. Now, he has to have control over everyone around him. Well, he lost that a long time ago with me. And in desperation, he latched onto the one thing that would give him control which I will not go into right now. Needless to say, when I was talking to him, he used his manipulative ways to try and get his grip into me. He wants to leave me hanging, so that I'll be dependent on talking to him, but he'll only talk when he wants to talk and'll avoid my calls, giving him control of the situation. Well, that ended almost immediately. I told him that enough was enough and that if whatever he was doing was more important than his only daughter, then I didn't need to talk to him.
And, again, it's needless to say that this experience left me in a negative mood the rest of the night. Well, to cut a long story short, my negative emotions were spilling over and attracting negative responses, and this time, negative entities. Late last night, when I had finally started falling asleep, I started hearing a sound like nothing I had ever heard before. It was a low growling sound, nothing like a cat's, dog's, or any other animal. It was an unique and unnerving experience. Less than a moment later, indiscernible whispers filled my room. I could identity three different voices that seemed to come from everywhere.
These noises kept me awake for over an hour until, frightened or not, I could no longer keep my eyes open, and fell into a fitful sleep. These sounds persisted even though I had turned my light on--the first time in weeks--which is odd, because the things I see or hear or sense usually disappear the moment a light comes on.
I can only theorize what those voices were saying, and if they were there to protect me against whatever was growling, or vice versa. I can only guess. That will have to satisfy me for now.
I don't want to spread panic. People, please understand... this does not always happen. Sometimes even I--a psychic person--after having a really bad day, do not experience anything supernatural, negative or otherwise. Do not instantly assume that if you have a bad day, bad things (including supernatural experiences) will happen to you. More likely than not, nothing will happen. These are just my experiences, remember that.
And on that note, it's time for me to go. I'll add more to this topic later, there's so much more I need to say but for right now, my time has run out.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Christmas?

Today's statement is:
That Christmas feeling doesn't feel all too well...

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Fuck the World

"Fuck the world and all the assholes in it!"
That's my statement for the day.

I'm Just Too Depressed to Give This A Decent Title

Right now, if I had some rope, I'd hang myself. But I'm so broke I can't even afford some thread, let alone rope. I'm so broke, that Christmas has literally been cancelled. Yup, you heard that right; no Christmas. I'm not talking about not getting presents, fuck that! I'm talking about having enough money to drive down and see my family, or put up a Christmas tree, or even decorate the house. That's how broke I am. And here I go on another rant...
I've made jewelry for as long as I can remember. By now, I have at least 75 pairs of earrings including several sets, along with bracelets, and anklets. They're reasonably priced. I think the highest price I have is $25 and the lowest is $5. I make jewelry and sell them at reasonable prices so everyone can buy them, not just a select rich few.
I have one problem, though. I have to find someplace to sell them!!! I could make a great deal of money selling them on campus, but, of course, they won't let a student--ME!--sell my jewelry on Campus property. You know what they asked me?: "Are you selling this for a club?"
The minute I said, "No, it's to pay my bills," they shook their heads and said no. Oh, I understand what they were saying, loud and clear. "If you're not bringing money into the campus, just making money for yourself, regardless if you're just trying to make it through the month, you can't sell your jewelry here." That's the reason they won't let me sell my jewelry here. Because I'm the one making the money, and they're not getting a percentage. Whatever I make is not going into their school funds.
Why should've I expected anything less?
People, organizations, foundations, everyone is just looking to make some cash--just looking out for numero uno. Yup, if they don't get a percentage, or all of it, then they could give a shit about you. It doesn't matter to them that you're struggling to get through the month, that you have enough food to eat, or enough gas to get back and forth to college. Why should they? You mean nothing to them. You're just a pebble in their shoe. They'd be better off with you gone anyways.
Integrity and decency and compassion have gone down the tubes. Cruelty, greed, and indifference have spread until there's nowhere left to go. Not even shadows can give you shelter now; you're on your own.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Stress and Car Insurance Scams

Things are so out of hand lately and I'm wondering how to get everything together. It's a chore, I readily admit, that I'm not sure I want to do. And on top of it all, finals are a little over a week away, making me want to clap my hands to my face and scream like the kid did in Home Alone.
My life is so stressful right now, that I'm close to having a hysterical breakdown. Less than a week ago, a doe jumped out right in front of my car. I had less than a fraction of a second to react and of course, what happened? I hit the deer. Now, don't get me wrong, I feel bad about killing Bambi's mum, but I also feel bad about my car! I already owe my mechanic $420 for fixing my brakes. $315 of that is labor. C'mon, are you fucking kidding me??? No way in hell should labor cost that much!!!
And to top it all off, I just found out that my insurance company doesn't cover hitting a deer, or my medical bills if I had gotten seriously hurt, which, thankfully, didn't happen. No, they only cover the bills if I get in an accident with another car. My mum, brother, and I all have the same insurance, and some coverage—or so we thought. My brother hit a deer a couple of months ago while he was driving my mum's car, and he was covered—or rather, my mum's car was covered. Now, totally broke, I've literally been fucked over. The insurance company insists that I don't have that coverage, and never had—that isn't what they said before! Just great! My mechanic won't work on my car until I pay off that $420 dollars—which I don't have—so now I'm driving around with my passenger side all fucked up; the lights are smashed, the hood bent pretty bad, and the roof dented from where Bambi's mum landed after being tossed into the air. Well, my mum received almost a thousand dollars to fix her car and her car wasn't nearly as fucked up as mine is! So, I'm looking at nearly $1,500 in damage not including the $420 I already owe.
And here's the good part, I have college classes every single fucking day of the week and don't get home until around 6:00. Well, of course this had to happen during winter where it gets dark at 4:00 and that's if I'm lucky! This means I'm driving around with a headlight out, and that my blinkers on the right side of my car don't blink, so people don't know that I'm making a turn or switching lanes. Two very bad things that cops love to sniff out and write tickets for, especially when it's dark out!

This world is filled with bloodsuckers, searching for their next score, wondering who to cheat next. Yup, they come up with their little schemes, smiling slyly in your face, one foot in your door while their hands are reaching into the cookie jar. They suck you dry and when you're finally broke, and struggling to make it through the week, let alone the month, they grin, and yipping like a hyena, leave you there, broken and shattered while they make off with your hard-earned, sweat-soaked life-blood in their hands.
Isn't life just dandy?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

A Message From Me to All the Cruel People Out There

What is wrong with this world? I really want to know. People are so damn cruel. I've endured more cruelty than anyone ever should. Why am I treated like this? Does it make you happy to make people feel like they're nothing? Like life isn't worth living?
Why? I want to know. Why are people so fucking cruel? I've done nothing to you! So grow up! Act like a man (or woman). Be mature. But, no. That's too much to ask, isn't it? That you grow up and act like an adult. What is it that's so enticing about laughing and giggling with your friends while you kick someone when they're down? What's so funny about causing someone pain?
I've never understood, and perhaps I never will. But I know this. I will never become what you are. I will break this chain that you whip around you, affecting everyone you meet. Yes, I will break this chain, and not cause someone else such pain. Yes, I'm going to break this chain, and leave you all alone in your own pain.
You can wallow, and you can cry. I will leave you here on your own. One day, you'll realize you've burnt every bridge you've come across. Where will you be then? I know, and I certainly don't care.
No, this isn't callousness. This is letting go of all the destruction you've caused and leaving you in your own misery where you'll stay. I've had it with you and your kind. What kind? As if you don't know! Here, let me explain in a way you'll understand.
You're the kind that gets pleasure in causing others such pain, in ruining lives, families, anything that brings happiness. I know, 'cause I've been in the path of your wrath. You are empty, and the only way you can fill yourself up is by the satisfaction of hurting others. Well, one day, this'll all come back at you.
I refuse to let you ruin my day ever again. One day, so soon, you'll realize your mistakes, but by then, it'll be too late to fix what you've broken. And one day, so soon, you'll realize what a pitiful existence you lead. And too soon, you'll find that you have no friends to be there when you need help. You've burnt every bridge you've ever crossed, remember?
Where will you be then? Where will you be?

Monday, November 5, 2007

People From My Past

It's been quite a while since my last post. Talking about my experiences or thoughts, rather. I've got enough poems up. What can I say? College is keeping me busy.
Anyways, this past week has been full of surprises. I mean loaded with them. Not all of them good, but I can't expect everything to be perfect, now can I? I mean, really... think about it. Life doesn't always turn out the way we want it to. We can try, but things still bottom out. Not all the time, of course, just... some of the time.
This morning we had a surprise visit from an old friend of my brother's. Dustin. We haven't seen him in forever. Close to four years now. I opened the door, and there he stood. I was like, "Er, Hi... Who are you?"
"C'mon, Sara," he replied with a grin. "You don't remember me?"
It took me several minutes to recognize him.
I got a question for you people out there. Why does everyone automatically expect you to recognize them? Especially when you haven't seen them in years!? This isn't the only time this has happened. A friend of mine, Jennifer showed up when I was still in grade school. She looked totally different, it was no wonder I didn't recognize her. Come to think of it, she lived in the same house that Dustin had, years before, though. Still, the same house... People who live there always seem to have their fair share of tragedies... Hmm, anyways... I'm off on a tangent. So, back on track.
Jennifer had been my friend for a long time. She had a really bad heart condition and was such a skinny little thing. When I saw her years later, I'm very happy to say she had some meat on those bones of hers! We used to play in the skimpy front yard of hers, which consisted of mainly dirt and a few pine trees. One day, I had decided I was going to climb one of them. What a stupid idea. I had gotten three feet off the ground when my foot slipped. My shirt got caught on a branch, almost ripping it in two. That same branch, with it's jagged tip, was pressing into my neck. I held on to the branch as much as I could, but I was slipping. I was ten at the time.
Suddenly I was lifted so the branch was no longer pressing into my neck and a large hand was yanking on my shirt. With a loud rip, my shirt came free of the branch and I was set down on the ground. I turned to see Jennifer's cousin, Jeremy standing next to me. I looked down at my chest and a long scratch ran from my belly button to my collarbone. And man did it burn!
I looked back at him and said weakly, "Thanks."
He smiled back at me and replied, "Just don't go climbing any more trees, okay?"
I nodded numbly and went home to change my shirt.
I still see him from time to time. He works with my brother, which is nice. I get to ask how Jennifer is every now and then when I see him.
Ah, I would type some more, but I have my Archaeology class in a few minutes.
I'll add more to this later.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Dead or Alive?

Am I dead or am I alive?
These dreams I’m having
Make me cringe inside
But no matter how hard I try
Things never come out
The way they’re meant to be
I try to run and hide
From these things that hunt me
From these things that won’t go away
I cover my ears and scream for silence
In the fissure of time
I see scenes of violence
I hear silent screams of pain
I feel daggers pierce my skin
Will it ever end?
I walk through endless halls
Scenes flash before my eyes
Scarlet splatters smear the walls
It’s my blood that’s spilling
Now it’s just empty space I’m filling
In a rectangular box
Deep below the ground
Don’t keep throwing rocks
You know I won’t be found
But that’s how this story goes
It’s something no one knows
Yet, death is the beginning
Until the very end…

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Suicide

The pain… the pain…
It hurts so much
But I know
It’ll all be over soon
I hold my hands up
So I can see
My life-blood
Pour out of me

Soon it’ll be over
And God, I hope
That Death
Will come swiftly
And take me away
From this Hell
I’ve been living in
For far too long

I feel cold now
And my wrists
Don’t hurt anymore
Dizzy, I lay down
Flat on my back
And notice that
The ceiling’s spinning
How odd…

And now whispers
Fill the room
I know
What they’re saying
I smile
And welcome
The darkness
That’s come at last

Where Do We Go When We Die

Please tell me…
I want to know…
Where it is
That we go
When we die
Do we follow people around?
Or just stay buried in the ground?
Do we go to heaven instead?
Does heaven even exist?
What lies ahead?
Or do we just turn into dust?
How would you know?
Have you been there?
And what can you tell
Me about hell?
Nothing?
That’s what I thought
You’re bluffing…

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Fearless Death

My heart cries
Its sobs drain
My pulse weakens
It won't be long now

They're throwing flowers
And dripping tears
Surrounded by darkness
I let go of my fears

The bitter cold
Permeates my skin
I can't breathe
Or live within

Can't remember what I've done
Memories are fading away
So many things lost
As I cease to exist today

My heart cries
Its sobs drain
My pulse weakens
It won't be long now...

Death Beckons

I've come so far
Allowed my blood to run
My sight is failing
Now that my work is done

I don't know if it was worth it
The blood is trickling now
My veins almost empty
What has it all been for?

Why can't we see the future?
Or change the past?
There must be a way
To let go at last

The blood is pouring now
Staining the stone bricks
Telling my story forevermore
There's nothing left to fix

The blood has drained
Sealing my fate now
Death whispers
In my ear

"Everything is fine now
Close your eyes
Sleep comes so easy
Just go to sleep now
Your work is done"

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Cheater

It’s 10 at night and the phone’s ringin’
He’s not home and my heart’s screamin’
It’s 10 at night and the phone’s ringin’
He's out getting away with his schemin'


I know what he’s going to say
I’ll say it’s fine but I’m not okay
‘Cause I’m home alone every night
While he’s out there and it’s not right

I’m sick of all the explanations he’s makin’
Tears drip down my face as I sit here drinkin’
I feel asleep and I’ve tried wakin’
I can’t stop these things I’m thinkin’

I pick it up and hear his voice
He’s telling me like I’ve got a choice
He’s working late again, he explains
And I’m home alone again

What you’re doing is unforgivin’
Filling me with this horrible achin’
I don’t know if this life is worth livin’
Baby, it’s my heart you’re breakin’!

An Odd Expression

I tried and tried and tried
When that didn't work
I cried and cried and cried
And when that didn't work
I lied and lied and lied
Through all of that
In a correct saying
The dog was eaten by the cat!

A Cat's Regret

Cough—Ack; hairball—cough
Why do I—cough—lick
Cough
—the fur—cough—off
My—cough—body?—cough, cough.

Narration

Was was that?
Did you see it?
Damn, it's so foggy...
Wait, did you hear that?
I thought I heard something
Nevermind...
Do you even know
Where we're going?
Okay... Okay! Sorry!
(Brief pause)
Are you sure?
Ouch! That hurt!

Knowing

You don't know what I know
You know what I don't know
So, how is what I know
The same as what you know?
That, I don't know
But what I do know
Helps you know
That I know
What you don't know...
Got it?

Sick Of These People

I’m sick of this life
And all the people in it
The people who never think, just act
The people who never ask, just assume
The people who never give, just take
The people who use and abuse
Until the other person has nothing left to lose

I’m sick of this life
And all the phonies in it
The people who act like they’re somebody
Like they’re better than everybody else
When they’re really nobody at all

I’m sick of this life
And all the liars in it
The people who lie to ruin
Everything others built up
I’m sick of it all

And wouldn’t you
Feel the same
If they did this to you
And then let you have the blame?

And wouldn’t you
Get away from what you ought
To do and let it all go so that you
Could forget everything you once thought?

Let it all go
Get away from
Everything you know
Before you become
One of them!

I Couldn't Imagine

I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to fall through space, to feel weightless as sweet-smelling air flew by me, or the majestic scene of mountains in the distance or the multi-colored hue of a canyon’s cliffs as the ground came closer and closer.
I couldn't tell you the freedom that'd spread through me if I could be a bird diving through the sky, my wings curled in as I rushed towards the ground then at the last second spread them and soar mere inches off sweet-scented grass or water sparkling like diamonds.
And I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like with your arms wrapped around me, to hear your musical lilting laughter, to be lifted and twirled and tossed in the air only to be caught before I hit the ground. What it would mean to me…
And I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to look into your sky-blue eyes once more, to see them crinkle in mirth, to touch those rosy lips that took my breath away, to hear your murmured whispers that would force me to answer you just so I could hear them again.
What I wouldn’t give to see you again, to touch you again, to hear your voice again.
What I wouldn’t give…

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I Remember

Everyone will remember the day September 11th, 2001. It is a day many people lost a family member, a friend, an acquaintance. Just like the day JFK was assassinated, no matter how many years pass, no matter how many paths they take, people will always remember what they were doing, where they were, the moment they heard that the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center had been attacked.

This is I Remember

I remember the day, the exact time when I first heard that two planes had crashed into the World Trade Center’s Twin Towers.
I remember the foreboding dream I had had the night before; that I had dismissed as an unnerving fragment of my imagination.
I remember telling myself that it wasn’t my fault; that there was nothing I could’ve done.
I remember the hot tears that poured down my face, leaving a salty taste in my mouth.
I remember the deafening silence when the loudspeaker had finished it’s screeching announcement that had left the rowdiest kids speechless, that had left them crying.
I remember the stunned, shocked expressions on every face, every mind speculating in unison.
I remember because I was one of them.
I remember.

I remember some thinking about the people in those planes.
I remember others thinking about the people in those two Towers.
I remember most thinking about their families or their friends’ families; brothers, sisters, parents; uncles, aunts, cousins; husbands, wives, and children.
But all thinking, wondering: Who survived? Who got out in time? Who was trapped? Did they even go to work today?
But most of all: Why? Why now? Why us? What did we do to deserve this?
I remember everyone stuck like prisoners within their own minds.
I remember because I was one of them.
I remember.

I remember the desperation that held us still. Frozen. Unmoving.
I remember the yellow shirts, the purple shorts, lose their color.
I remember the gym’s huge walls close in on us, the space getting smaller and smaller.
I remember because it became harder to breathe.
I remember because I was there.
I remember.

That was six years ago and still I remember.
I remember how the world seemed to stand still.
I remember how movement was forbidden; how breathing was forbidden; how speaking, sound of any kind, was forbidden.
I remember the lives lost.
I remember the bravery, the courage, the unwillingness to give up, to give in.
I remember how one plane’s passengers fought against all odds. To save lives, even when they knew their own couldn’t be saved.
I remember.

I remember the Phoenix that rose from the ashes, the remains of what used to be the Twin Towers.
I remember its fierceness, its loyalty, its resolve, and above all, its patriotism.
And most of all, I remember the consequences.
I remember the counterfeit reason, the excuse for why we went to war.
I remember the senseless deaths of those who fought for a false cause. A cause to further one man’s personal agenda.
I remember the stupidity, the ignorance, the selfishness of this man.
I remember because I’ve seen the lethal results.
I remember.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Rose

“Rose,” Jake screamed as he darted throughout the massive apartment. Each room held a gruesome discovery, yet at the same time empty of the one life he was searching for, the one he treasured more than breathing itself. “Where the hell are you, Rose?” he muttered frantically through clenched teeth. “Rose!
The colors of each room flew by in a blur. The bathroom, guest bedroom, living room, foyer… all were empty. Jake dashed into the kitchen and around the basalt-topped island. His feet slipped out from under him and he landed flat on his back against the tiled marble floor, knocking the breath from his lungs. Why was the floor so cold? And what was soaking into his shirt? he wondered. It was then a salty, metallic scent reached his nostrils. With much slipping and sliding, Jake turned on his side and what he saw made him gasp in horror and his eyes turn into saucers.
Rose!

Sunday, September 2, 2007

The Lumberjack Ghost

In the past couple of weeks I've started seeing this huge, burly man. I mean huge! He's very muscular and quite tall. His thick dark brown hair was cropped close to his head, as was his beard. His hair was so dark as to look nearly black.
What drew me in, though, were his inquisitive eyes. I didn't get any negative feelings off of him. His demeanor was one of confusion and he acted surprised that I saw him, or rather that, he saw me. An "What are you doing here?" aura radiated from him. They say that "Eyes are the windows to the soul." I'm not sure who "they" are, but I wholly agree with "them." This man does not have a mean bone in his body. If I hadn't felt that, I would be able to tell by his eyes.
Something just occurred to me. Byron isn't a ghost haunting this ancient home at all. My experience with this man is the result of a bleed-through. A bleed-through is where the past and present become fused into one. So, while in my mind, Byron was intruding upon my space, Byron is probably coming to the same conclusion about myself. I'm there in his space, literally in his time, I guess I should say. Bleed-throughs are often mistaken for visits by spirits and hauntings or appearances by ghosts. Next time you think you're experiencing a bleed-through, not a visitation of a spirit from The Other Side or a ghost stuck on earth, go to the nearest library and do some research on the area of land that you live on. Anyways, on with my story.
He's appeared to me several times now (which is leaving me to believe that the energy concentrated in my house is extremely powerful.) It wasn't until I was telling my mum about this whole experience that his name finally came to me: Byron. More information poured in as I spoke. He was a lumberjack in the mid-1860's and had moved in this house (may I remind you that it is well over 140 years old) with his wife, Sally, soon after it had been built. Today, the area in where I live is quite woody. Back in the 1860's the whole area was just woods. For miles and miles and miles, there was absolutely nothing but woodland.
Sally was a small woman, barely five feet tall. For such a tiny woman, she was full of life, her bubbly personality infected everyone around her. Her honey-colored hair was naturally curly. Her golden-brown eyes were warm and sparkled with humor. And though Byron was a reserved and quiet man, he smiled easily and was pleasant company. While Sally and Byron were as different as summer and winter, they loved each other dearly.
As I'm concentrating on these people, more and more information about their life together is flooding through me. In the past, I've gotten little flashes, like a mini-movie showing in my mind. But now, as I write this, it's not a movie. It's... difficult... to explain. It's like a 3-D movie, unfolding in my mind. No, that's not right. It's like I'm actually there, watching these events that include this devoted couple unfold. This is new in every way, shape, and form, for me. The things I see and know have gotten much more detailed, and quite intense. I wonder what will happen when I meditate tonight. Each time I mediate, I find something new that I'm able to do or see. I wonder what I'll find tonight that I'm also able to do.
I wonder...

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Ghosts and Spirits

I need to get one thing clear here. Most people confuse spirits with ghosts and vice versa. Spirits and ghosts are not alike in any way.
First of all, ghosts don't have the slightest idea that they are dead. Instead of "going into the tunnel of light" as I call it, they turn away and ignore its existence. As a result, ghosts remain earthbound for reasons of their own. Some might think that God is upset with them. Others might stay behind to get revenge. They're confused, lonely, and sometimes angry. They don't understand why most people ignore them as if they weren't there. In all actuality, people don't see them because, technically, they're neither really here nor there.
This is because when souls leave their bodies, they also leave this dimension.
Sylvia Browne talks about three dimensions. “Earth's dimension, ghosts' dimension, and the dimension of Home.” What she calls Home, others call Heaven. Earth's dimension is, of course, the dimension of humans. Ghosts' dimension is the dimension where ghosts are stuck in their own point in time. Home (aka Heaven) is where Spirits (souls) go when their earthly domain (body) has expired.
One of the biggest differences (not to mention the easiest way to tell the distinction between the two) between spirits and ghosts is that spirits will appear in perfect health. Ghosts on the other hand, show visible signs of any injuries, deformities, or illnesses they had when they were alive. I'll give you two examples, one of an encounter with a spirit, and one with a ghost. These are derived from my own personal experiences.
My Grandmother had died when my brother and I were just nine years old. Her health had deteriorated surprisingly fast. By the time she left her body and went “Home” she was so skinny she resembled a skeleton. That's all I remembered of what she looked like. I've tried to picture what she looked like in the past but couldn't. I was meditating the other night—
Excuse the interruption, but I need to make something clear. When I meditate, I mentally put myself in a black-painted room. There are no windows or doors. Just pure darkness and absolute silence. Nothing can get in. Not thoughts, not noise, not anything. So, I was surprised when I found myself outside of that box, and in what seems to be a memory that had slipped away into my subconscious.
Anyways, as I was saying: I was meditating the other night and suddenly I was watching myself, nine years old, standing in the upstairs hallway. It was as if I was having an outer-body experience, but in the past, not the present. I was wearing a long white nightgown, and my dark brown hair was almost to my elbows. But, more surprising than that, was the woman standing several feet in front of my younger-self. It took me a moment to realize that the woman was my grandmother! She was nothing like I remembered her to be. The Grandmother that stood in front of me had honey-colored hair cut just above the shoulders. Her teal eyes watched me (my nine year old self) lovingly. Her physique was full figured and slender, as she had been in life, long before she got sick. Not the skeleton figure I remember. I know now that she was letting me know that she was alright. She radiated comfort, love, and warmth. She's a perfect example of a spirit who made it “Home.”
One night, many years ago, I was rifling through a chest that had been given to me by a close family friend when suddenly, I felt someone standing behind me. It wasn’t a comforting feeling, quite the opposite. I became very unsure, and frightened. I forced myself to turn around, still on my knees. There, before me, stood a young man in a Confederate uniform. He was covered in dirt, as if he had been crawling through wet soil. But the worst of all, was his face. It’s what frightened me the most. The left part of his face was bloodied. Specifically, his entire left cheekbone, his temple, eye and eyebrow, and all the way to his ear was covered in dark red blood. It looked as if he had been standing much too close to an explosion. With his one good eye, he stared at me. Shock, disbelief, and confusion emanated from him, but also irritation. Needless to say, I bolted from the room and refused to sleep there for almost a week. I was camped out on the couch downstairs. That is a perfect example of a ghost, lost and roaming, with no idea where he is or where he's going.
Next time you encounter a spirit or a ghost, you'll know which one you've come across. I hope this was as informative and as useful to you as it has been to me. This knowledge that I've learned over the years has helped me through everything I've experienced and will experience.
Now, before I go, I need to tell you that the house that I've lived in for most of my life is well over 140 years old. It holds a lot of secrets, knowledge, and mysteries. In this three-story Victorian, many souls have entered and left this world. So, it's no surprise to me why the activity is highly concentrated. It's also no surprise why I've had many experiences with imprints, each different and unique. But, that's another story, to be told another time.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

The Things People Think I Know (Part I)

People who have read my blog will be under the impression that I have a vast amount of information about the ethereal. That's a mistake. Although I do know about some things, such as imprints, astral projection, spirit guides, and what Sylvia Browne calls "Kinetic energy."
First, let me explain what she's talking about when she mentions "Kinetic energy," just for clarification. My mum will work as a perfect example. Beware of all things electrical when she's around. No, she doesn't cause TV's to blow up or toaster's to go flying across a room. That's not what happens at all.
One of my favorite stories is when she walked into Best Buy. Yes, you read that right. She went into Best Buy. The store that contains almost every electrical appliance you could think of. Exhausted and in pain from a long day of shopping, she walked through the front doors. A row of 8 TV screens not twenty feet away went from blaring a cleaning-product to screaming static. She stopped mid-step and after a slight pause, grinning, she turned around and walked out of the store. And, of course, the TV's came right back on, static-free. Once more she walked into the store and again the screens changed from advertisements to static. By the fourth time she entered the store, several employees stood in front of the TV's. Some were scratching their heads. Others were standing with their hands on their hips. Two were arguing with each other and vehemently pointing at the screens. They had no idea what was going on.
Another time, my brother, my mum, and I were all in Colorado on vacation. After a long day of driving we stopped at a hotel. Who went in to book a room? My mum, of course. Once more exhausted, she laid her hands on the front desk. A blackout immediately followed. All the lights and computers shut down. Total darkness.
But, out of all the outrageous things that happens around her, there's one that "Takes the cake," as the saying goes. During times of great stress, she'll disappear into the kitchen and smoke a cigarette. Many a time I've gone in there to see what's up because the air feels electrified. There, up on the wall, directly behind her is an Atomic clock. Look it up. I don't really know how to explain how it works, so I'll leave that up to you. But like any normal clock, it takes an hour for the minute hand to circle it once, and a minute for the second hand to do the same. Or it should. Well, not when my mum is around. Minutes will go by like seconds. Hours speed by. Sometimes it's not enough that the clock's hands spin out of control. Sometimes it spins out of control backwards, as if she's trying to turn back time. And in her subconscious, that's probably what she's striving for.
But once more, I've gone off on a tangent and provided more than enough examples. Now let me get down to Sylvia Browne's exact definition of "Kinetic energy," (just in case I haven't explained it in a way you can understand.)
"Kinetic energy," Sylvia writes, "is the unintentional, spontaneous manipulation of inanimate objects through no obvious physical means. It causes it's possessor (person of choice) to become some kind of a walking force field through no fault of their own (unintentionally.)
"Kinetic energy," she goes on to say, "is often at its strongest when the body is going through dramatic hormonal changes—during prepubescence or puberty, for example, or in pregnant or menopausal women. But it can manifest itself in young children, too..."
In my mum, it seems to come at times when the stress in her life has become concentrated inside and needs to be released. I'm not sure how she does this, perhaps my examples are explanation enough, but because I do not know for sure, it's clear that there may be other reasons for the electronics to go haywire.
Well, I have to split so I'll add more later. Hopefully I can get on tomorrow.
~Excerpts from Visits from the Afterlife: The Truth About Hauntings, Spirits, and Reunions with Lost Loved Ones by Sylvia Browne~

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Densest Element Known to Science

Following hard on the heels of the downgrading of Pluto, a major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium."

Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

The symbol for Bushcronium is "W." Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed when morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "critical morass."

When catalyzed with gold or platinum, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise. Foxnewsium has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

(Author Unknown)

An Engineers Analysis of Hell

How Hot Is It In Hell?
~A True Story~

A thermodynamics professor had written a take-home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we will look at the rate of change of the volume of Hell, because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This leaves two possibilities:
#1: If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
#2: Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, so Hell must be exothermic.

The student got the only A.

(Author Unknown)

Aunt Evy

The teacher gave the students an assignment to go home and ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral in it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Evy. Aunt Evy was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Evy when she's been drinking."

(Author Unknown)

Pregnant Turkey Story

Last year at Christmas time, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional holiday feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store and asked if my sister wouldn't mind going out to get it.
When my sister left the house, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the mixed stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey... then re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back into the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Barbara, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry hysterically. It took the entire family almost two hours to convince her that turkey lay eggs!
Yes, my sister is a BLONDE!


(Author Unknown)

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Chameleon Hair

Earlier today, I noticed something weird while I was brushing my hair. Really weird. For as long as I can remember, my hair has been a deep, dark brown. Sometimes in the summer it even looked black. Because I haven't had it cut in forever, I had to pull my hair over my shoulder to brush it; it's so long now that it reaches more than halfway to my waist. Anyways, as I was brushing it, I noticed that it was a totally different color. It's now a light reddish-brown instead of an extremely dark brown. I was blown away. I was like, "When did this happen?" I've never dyed my hair before, so I'm in total confusion as to how this could happen. As far as I know, hair doesn't change color on a whim. I'm at a total loss.
Anyone else experience anything like this?

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Yet Again They Come

Again, last night, they (ghosts) came into my room. This is becoming a nightly ritual, and very annoying. At first I didn't sense them, but as I begun to fall asleep, and my mind became more perceptive, I felt someone standing in my room. I tried keeping my eyes open but they kept shutting on me. Not two minutes later, a voice hissed "Hey!" in my ear. That was it. I was exhausted and sooooo not in the mood for another night of keeping my light on. I told them in a thick, sleepy voice, "Go away. You're not welcome here." I would've done it as soon as I entered my room, but I hadn't felt anyone then.
Seconds after I told it to go away, I heard heavy footsteps walk from almost right next to my bed out of my room and down the hall towards the stairs. The footsteps were accompanied by heavy breathing. That was just last night.
A few nights ago, it felt like someone was tugging on my sheets. I couldn't be sure 'cause I had my fan on me, so I readjusted the sheets and after a second or two, the tugging started again. I turned over to see a little boy standing next to my bed. He was a little taller than my desk and had dirty blond hair that was cut short, like to his earlobes. His eyes were a sky-blue and staring at me intensely. One small fist clenched my sheet. Without words he(telepathically) called me "Mama," which, needless to saybut I willfreaked me out. I quickly flicked the light on and he disappeared.
I know some of the things I experience have to be imprints. Imprints are residual energy that are left over from a moment in time. For example, two people are in the kitchen, drinking coffee and laughing. That's what you think, because you smell the aroma of coffee and hear two different voices laughing and talking to each other. You peek into your clean and very empty kitchen. The coffee pot is empty and the chairs tucked under the table. What did you hear, then?
Let me start over. Think of a moist area of soil. You walk over it and what do you leave? Footprints, right? Now, those footprints are remnants of not just the people who made them, but also of their emotions at the time those footprints were made. Positive and negative energies alike get suspended in time. Like the example I mentioned earlier, that would be a positive imprint. A negative imprint would be like walking into a room and getting a really bad feeling, an oppressive feeling. That would be the result of a violent fight between two or more people. Their negative energies and feelings became stuck in time. That's an imprint.
Other times it's painfully obvious that whatever's there, in my room or somewhere else, is a ghost. They either don't know they're dead, or they're hanging around for one reason or another. Most likely they have unfinished business and need a message to be given to a relative or friend. Other times they're haunting, or watching over someone. It all depends.
Have you ever had your phone ring and the ID is the cell phone number of your recently deceased brother or cousin? Or have you ever felt someone pat you on the back or leg, as if trying to calm you down? Something that your deceased mother would do when she knew you were having a hard time.
I've had every one of those things happen to me and I don't doubt that at least one of these things have happened to any of you. Well, that's my experiences for the past week. I wonder what will happen this week.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Nothing Is What It Seems (Fast Food Theme)

I've been thinkin' lately (and yes, I know this admission comes as a shock to everyone) that things are never what they seem. Take fast food places (excuse the food analogy, I couldn't think of anything else at the moment) for example. You see a Big Mac on the menu at McDonald's. It's three inches thick with the usual ingredients. Delish! you think and order it while drooling. As you drive away, you rip off the wrapper to find a squished bun, ketchup everywhere and hardly any cheese. Not what you expected to spend $3.25 on. Don't forget about the 500 calories that are hidden away in what you thought would be a tasty treat. Just thinking about it clogs your arteries.
How about Subway? Nutritional alley! Or so they would like us to believe; I think the jury's still out on that one, Sub! I digress. But, really! You stare at the menu up on the wall and see a Oven Roasted Chicken Breast stacked with meat and veggies. So much that the ingredients are falling out of the bun. You order a 12" and choose the Italian Herb bread. While they're cutting it, you lick your lips and try to choose what kind of cheese and veggies you would like on your sub. Pepperjack looks great, gives every bite a little zing! On this massive (in length) sub they put two, two triangular pieces of cheese on it. Then they sprinkle on some lettuce, a few strips of peppers, onions, and olives. At your request, they drench the practically bare sub with oil and vinegar, then sprinkle salt and pepper over it. To top everything off, you buy three chocolate chip cookies and a large mountain dew. Ignoring your next request that they don't wrap it, they do. After you unwrap the sandwich, you stare at the pitiful result of your specifications that cost you $12.89. The bread is flat and the only thing protruding from the sandwich is the end piece of a onion. You glance up at the lit-menu on the wall, staring at it's overlapping and enormous amount of ingredients to the soggy piece of bread in front of you. Again, not what you expected. You vow that next time you're going to Quizno's and order a Baja Chicken sub or maybe a Tuscan Turkey sub with Rosemary Parmesan Bread.
This is true of everything you may encounter. You ask for a black backpack and they give you a white one. You ask for a 2004 Pontiac Grand Am and get a 1987 Toyota. You go to the Humane Society to adopt a cat and they only have dogs. Yes, they're all adorable, but, you're 79 years old and can't walk it. Too bad. Maybe you'll buy the hamster instead, only after realizing it's the cobra's next meal. Nothing is what it seems.

Psychopath

My eyes gleamed as I licked the blade
And watched the light fade
The fire died, leaving the air
Permeated with the stench
Of burning flesh
That would make most men retch
But not me for I work with death
Now sirens fill the air
And I grin insanely and glare
Into the darkness and change my stance
So when they come, they wont have a chance
I’ll cut their throats before they can take a step
Now, as the first one falls to the floor
Into the darkness I quickly sidestep
And get ready for the desirous gore
My eyes gleamed as I licked the blade
The others come for more
Except more is what I’ll get
And they'll lose life's bet
Ooh, here come more of them
I wait in the darkness, ready to condemn
Those good 'ol boys to the depths of hell
My blade slices through the air and its sharpness impales
Their throats and I grin in satisfaction
As blood spurts across my clothes
The others pour in, looking around in distraction
Knife raised, I dart at my foes
They look at me in surprise, but too late
I slice their necks in half
The warm spurting blood seals their fate
As they fall to the floor, I laugh and laugh and laugh
My work here is done
I think I’ll go next door
I grin insanely as I know I have just begun
Death calls and I know he wants more
So, yes, I think I’ll go next door!

A New Day

Haunted by my past
Driven by my future
Who said nothing could last?
You call this an adventure?
How do you even figure
Every single thing I’ve endured?
You’re one hell of a creature
I’ll give you that, be assured
You can’t even begin to measure
All the shit I’ve been through
I deserve some closure
And to get away from you!

Decision

You have to make a decision
I need to break out of this prison
Do you want me or not?
I need to know
So if u won’t say
Then it’ll be me who goes

What you are doing to me
Is a crime of humanity
Why are you breaking my heart in two
Every time I look at you?
It’s not fair, it’s not right
That I should sleep alone tonight

I look at the caller ID
I’m not surprised that its your number I see
I pick up the phone and throw it against the wall
I don’t want to deal with you at all
I’m sick of waiting for you
That’s it, I’m through!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Cold But I

Cold but I’m still here
Cold but I still hear
You scream my name
Yet you don’t know why
The reason I never came
And no, I can’t deny
That I never did lie
But all I ever did was try
So why can’t you get the point
And let me go my way?
All you ever did was disappoint
Me every single day
And then you turn around
And say I’m to blame
I’m the reason why
Our relationship has run aground
And still you wonder why I never came
I need to say it
You need to hear it
Goodbye

Can't Live With This (Now That You're Gone)

I couldn’t hold on
I can’t hold on
I couldn’t see
I can’t see

(Chorus)
You’re not coming back
You’re never coming back
You left me and that’s a fact
You never cared and that’s a fact

Why did you do this to me?
I can’t live with this secret
Why didn’t your death set me free?
There’s nothing in this world that I don’t regret

(Chorus 2)
I cant live with this
Why couldn’t I see that?
I don’t want to reminisce
What were you getting at?

I can't even remember what
You look like anymore
I wish I could change the past but
What was it even like before?

(Chorus)

Nothing seems the same anymore
Life holds nothing more for me now
That you’re gone
’Cause you’re gone

(Chorus 2)

Was I really that cold?
I can’t sleep without dreaming
Is it you I hold?
I wake up screaming:

“Why did you do this to me?
Why can’t your death set me free?
Why is it that every time I close my eyes its you I see?
What the hell am I trying to be?”

(Chorus 2)

I’m nothing without you
It’s been so long since you’ve gone
I did what I had to do
It still feels so wrong

(Chorus 2)

(x2)
I did what I had to do
It still feels so wrong