Friday, June 26, 2009

Moments of Eventual Insanity

Where to begin?
Um, everywhere?
Okay, it's been a while--granted, a LONG while--since I've posted anything, or more, anything not so... depressing. Gotta change that. But, do I want to change it from depressing to disturbing? 'Cause that's what I've been experiencing--dream-wise, that is. Haunting images I can disperse--especially at night, when I'm just ready to fall asleep. Then, as if it were always there, I can feel a presence next to me and I jerk awake, desperately searching and hoping to see nothing. All I can do is turn my light on, and try to dispel these images from my mind. Some nights I can, others the image is always within my grasp.
What shocks me is that when I have these dreams, and the moment I awaken with them fresh in my memory, I have absolutely no fear, or disgust, or repulsion flooding through me--just a sense of, well, dismissive wonder. It's later when I talk about said dream, that I become disturbed. The images are vivid, so vivid. One in particular that I will never, ever be able to repel, that I'm sure will stay with me forever is the one thing no one could even conceive of occurring, of seeing themselves.
The macabre of such a possibility--not to mention waking up gasping, fumbling frantically for the light switch, sure it's lying right next to you, waiting for you, you waiting for it--that this scene, this moment coming true is immediate, imminent.
Have you ever had an image, whether it was created in reality, in a hallucination, or just in a simple daydream horrify you to the point of near insanity, where it's the only thing you can see, either with your eyes or your mind? Well, I'm there.

Sensuous Spin

Today's statement:
There's something... surprisingly sensuous about spinning slowly in a chair, and watching your surroundings move with such fluidity that makes you want to believe that that one moment will never end. It is... utter freedom.